2012 Mayan Calendar Holidays by DJ Cline
I am told the Mayan calendar predicts the end of the world this year. If I had a calendar predicting the end of the world, I would trade it in for something with kittens on it. I’m pretty sure that a year from now we will see the end of the year and not the end of the world. In case I am wrong, this an attempt to clear up confusion about the holidays over the next year.
Jan. 1, 2012 Mayan New Years Day
Mayan insurance agencies mail calendars to their clients for the last time, with reminders that their policies will not cover acts of feathered serpent gods.
Feb. 2, 2012 Mayan Groundhog Day
If the groundhog comes out and sees its shadow, it means another ten months of sensationally misleading documentaries on the History Channel.
Feb. 14, 2012 Mayan Valentines Day
Lovers exchange cards expressing their feelings for another few months, until the world ends.
Feb. 26, 2012 Mayan Academy Awards
Despite not being on the ballot, the movie Apocalypto wins best picture. Mayans hope that whatever civilization replaces the current one will have somebody as crazy as Mel Gibson make an incomprehensible movie about them and see how they feel.
Feb. 29, 2012 Mayan Leap Day
Mayans take the rare opportunity to make fun of European calendars and math skills.
Apr. 15, 2012 Mayan Tax Day
The IRS reminds taxpayers that even if the world ends they should still file an extension or face penalties.
Apr. 27, 2012 Mayan Arbor Day
People plant trees to remind everyone that they should have planted more trees to avoid the environmental catastrophe that is sure to come.
Sep. 3, 2012 Mayan Labor Day
Workers use up the last of their vacation days before the world ends.
Oct. 12, 2012 Mayan Columbus Day
Mayans recognize the arrival of a European civilization that seriously misinterpreted a calender’s simple rollover of the odometer into the end of the world.
Nov. 6, 2012 Mayan Election Day
A presidential candidate wins by promising the wealthy more tax cuts if they survive in their air conditioned luxury bunkers.
Nov. 22, 2012 Mayan Thanksgiving
Families gather to eat some of the food they stockpiled for the end of the world and find out which of their children will come out of the closet.
Dec. 25, 2012 Mayan Christmas
Holiday shopping reaches a peak, particularly with sleeping bags, tents and canned food.
Dec. 31, 2012 Mayan New Years Eve
If you can’t get a date for the Apocalypse, it might as well be the end of the world.
Copyright 2012 DJ Cline All rights reserved.
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